Category: Parenting

Your Kids Annoy Me – This Is What You Should Do

Your Kids Annoy Me – This Is What You Should Do

I am going to be brutally honest here – your kids annoy me. They are loud, they run around like crazy, the step on my toes as they run past and never say sorry, and they are sticky and want to touch me. Yes, they are cute and I don’t dislike children, but I find them annoying at times. I am a quiet person who was raised as an only child. I like peace, quiet, and calm.

This Is What You Should Do

Not a thing. The fact that your kids annoy me sometimes is my problem and not yours. I wish I’d understood this concept better when my girls were growing up. You see, I was constantly correcting my daughters because I was always worried they would annoy someone else.

What happened? They started to tune me out and not listen to anything I had to say. When you are constantly nagging:

  • Don’t do that…
  • Be quiet, you’ll bother people…
  • Speak in an inside voice…
  • Other people don’t like ____
  • Etc., etc., etc.

Your kids stop listening to anything you have to say, including the things that really are important. For me, my children had to become adults for me to realize what I was doing. I am trying really hard to break these old habits and to focus on the end goal.

You have to figure out what is the most important thing for your children in the long-term. For me, the end goal is that we all wind up together one day in heaven. That’s it. When you look at things from that perspective, it changes how you talk to your kids, what things you focus on, what needs corrected and what doesn’t.

Just because your children are adults doesn’t mean your parenting stops either. I still offer advice and my perspective to my daughters. They don’t always listen, but I do think that with nagging less that they listen more often.

So, don’t worry if your kids are annoying me or anyone else. Focus on what is important to you as a family and use the precious time with them to pour into them and invest in them.

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Are My Kids the Only Ones Who Act Horrible?

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Are My Kids the Only Ones Who Act Horrible?

Dear Moms,

As I read through social media today, I realized something. There is no way that all of those kids are so perfectly behaved and every family picture perfect. Yes, Mother’s Day is a time to celebrate all that women do to keep the family running, but if you’ve never faced one of these situations, are you really mothering?

I’m even guilty of that picture perfect image here on Crabby Housewife. Look at the images for articles such as Mother’s Day Traditions . Look at that sweet image of the mom and baby. You just know the baby spit up right in her face two seconds later.

screenshot-of-mom-baby

Or what about the sweet photo below of a family on a road trip titled Top Ways to Save Money on Road Trips. Have you ever had a road trip go like this? The dog would be trying to sniff everything in site and the kids would be fighting.

screenshot-of-family

You know the feeling. You’re at church and every other child is sitting quietly with his parents during family Sunday, while yours runs up and down the aisle and maybe even kicks the pastor in the shin for good measure. If you dread family Sunday, you aren’t alone. 

Or, maybe you have the perfect family holiday planned, but just as family arrives your daughters get into a screaming match over a stupid stuffed toy and the one pulls the other’s hair and it’s a shrieking, insane World War III the likes of which would terrify the most evil fascist on the planet.

And, let’s forget that perfect family road trip like the one pictured above. Seriously? You would rather pluck out every eyebrow you have than be stuck in the car with your whining, fighting kids for six or seven hours straight. And, you are not alone.

Perhaps when the pinata bursts open and the candy falls out the other children all are sharing very nicely with one another while yours tries to grab all the candy and then gets mad at the other kids.

As the mom of a 19 and 22 year old, you would think that Mother’s Day was likely perfect. I had to laugh. It isn’t. While it was pleasant and my girls were very nice about wishing me a happy day and remembering me, my 19 year old got mad at me tonight and screamed at me so loud that she started coughing.

Some of my other friends were sharing what their kids did today. They opened up about punishments that had to be handed out, things their children had done, and being thankful they now know they are not the only one. It made me realize that everyone has these issues at one time or another. The key is to laugh about it and move on. Most things really are not life or death. She apologized to me and we moved on from that moment. I realized she was tired because she worked today. Being a server is hard work. 

So, Mom, don’t despair and think your kids are horrible. Yours aren’t any different than anyone else’s children. They are all horrible sometimes, but they are all wonderful much of the time. Happy Mother’s Day, everyone.

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10 Things I Wish I’d Known Before Becoming a Parent

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10 Things I Wish I’d Known Before Becoming a Parent

There is a moment in most women’s lives where they hold a baby, see a cute child, and they suddenly want a child of their own more than anything else in the world. I like to call it baby fever. Who doesn’t love a sweet little newborn? Even when they are squalling, they are so tiny and cute.

What no one tells you, however, is that the 7 pound newborn turns into a full fledged monster as a teenager. No one warns you of a few of the things that are not so great about parenting. Below are ten things I wish I’d known before becoming a parent.

1. Babies are a 24/7 job

Yes, they are definitely cute and sweet and all that, but they are also work. A LOT of work. Between changing diapers, 2-3 hour feedings, laundering the clothes the baby spit up on, washing the baby because she also spit up all over herself, and trying to get the baby to rest, you will get very little sleep those first months.

2. You will be grossed out

At some point, and likely a lot o points, you’ll be so grossed out that you’ll want to hurl. Think diapers that explode out the back and all the way up into your baby’s hair. You’ll have to launder clothes and sheets and bathe baby, all the while choking back your urge to throw up.

3. You’ll spend many sleepless nights

Whether it is a child who is ill and calls for you every few minutes, or it is a teenager saying out past his curfew, you will lose out on a lot of sleep. This isn’t just for the first month or two, but an ongoing thing that goes on even after your child is grown.

4. Everyone you know will offer you advice, whether you ask for it or not

Everyone seems to have an opinion about whether or not your baby should be on a schedule, what schedule, what you should feed your baby, if you should let your baby cry and a million other topics. The truth is that you simply have to learn to trust your own parental instincts and do what is best for you and your baby. Relatives and friends may mean well but ultimately this is your child and you are the one raising him.

5. You’re not going to look hot and you won’t care

The days of spending three hours getting ready to go out are gone. Even if you do somehow manage to find an hour to primp, the baby will just spit up on you as you head out the door. Instead, go for classic looks, simple to put together pieces, and opt for a simple hairstyle, such as short or wear long hair up in a loose chignon.

6. You’ll love your child, but you won’t always like her

Just like us, children aren’t perfect people. Your child will lie to you, make huge messes, back talk when she hits her preteen years, do at least one rotten thing as a teenager and even aggravate you as an adult. Do your best to address the behavior while validating the person and it will all turn out okay in the end.

7. That cute baby turns into a teenager

The adorable little baby will turn into a teenager one day. The bear hugs she gives you today will turn into “don’t touch me” comments and she will fight fiercely for her independence. My husband and I used to teach youth. We’ve raised two daughters. Our niece lived with us for a while. I can assure you that every teen alive does something at some point that is rotten and will infuriate you.

Use these situations as learning opportunities. Let your child suffer the consequences. If she stayed out until 3 a.m., take her car away for two weeks and make her ride the school bus. If she got drunk at a party and you found out from another mother, ground her from attending parties.

The one exception I had with my daughters was that if she was drunk and needed a ride home, she should call me and I would not lecture or punish her. We might talk about it the next day. However, I really felt she needed that safety net if she found herself in a situation she didn’t know how to get out of.

Then, there are the moments of heartbreak. There is nothing worse than seeing your child heartbroken and knowing all you can do is offer a hug – if she’ll even let you.

8. You’ll make more trips to school than you thought possible

Especially if you stay at home and work or just stay at home (that’s work, too, btw!), your child can and will call multiple times a week with tasks. “Mom, I forgot my field trip money.”, “Mom, I sat in chocolate, can you bring me new pants?”, “Mom, please bring me lunch. I hate this food.”

You’ll grow weary of making these trips, but go ahead and make them as you’re able. This time passes so very quickly and then you’ll miss being on a first-name basis with the school secretary.

9. That teenager grows up

Then, one day you blink and your child is graduating from high school and headed off to college. Suddenly, this little being you’ve watched out for since she was in your womb is going out into the world alone. You have no control, very little input, and all you can do is pray and hope that she learned what you tried to teach her.

10. It is all worth it

In the end, being a parent is the greatest journey you’ll ever take. You’ll look back on it and remember moments of joy, tears of pain, and you’ll realize that you had a hand in shaping this amazing adult that baby has become.

I wouldn’t trade a minute of it. My life would have been incomplete without my daughters. I can’t imagine a world where they don’t exist. So, despite sleepless nights, trips to school, moments of heartbreak, I am so blessed I got to experience it all.

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As a Mom, I Wish I’d Done More of This

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As a Mom, I Wish I’d Done More of This

By the way, that is not my picture up there. Just a random woman thinking as she looks out a window. It matched my mood, what can I say? I am not that young or beautiful and I have blue eyes not brown. A lot of you probably remember that my two daughters are basically grown (not really, because they still live at home and still rely on Mom a lot, but essentially they are legal adults at 18 and 22). Looking back on the years I spent raising them, there are some stark things I wish I’d done more.

I wish I’d focused less on creating amazing superstars and more on these things.

  • I wish I’d taken more time to help others. Yes, we were busy, but that Thanksgiving day at the soup kitchen that I always said we would do each year? We never did it and now they’re grown. How much could they have learned by helping others?
  • I wish I’d hugged them more. I did hug them, but suddenly they were older and Mom’s hugs weren’t as cool. Now, I get occasional hugs. I can remember my youngest hugging me so tightly it hurt when she was about four. How I miss those bear hugs.
  • I wish we’d taken more family vacations and experienced more of the world together.
  • I wish that I’d shown more grace when they made mistakes instead of telling them how disappointed I was. I’m sure they already knew I was disappointed. What they really needed was a hug, a story about a time I made a mistake and some understanding.
  • I wish I’d had more tea parties with them. So what if it made a mess?
  • I wish we’d finger painted more.
  • I wish I’d taken the TV out of our house or really limited the hours we watched it. It is such a time suck for all of us.
  • I wish I’d focused more on my kids and less on other kids. My husband and I used to teach youth. Yes, we loved those kids. We poured a lot into them. I’m not sure I poured enough into my own, though, because my attention was distracted.
  • I wish I’d been sillier with them when they were preteens. Yes, it embarrassed them, but I wish I’d done it anyway.
  • I wish I’d let them have more slumber parties, more friends over, and had more get togethers for their friends. Sometimes I was so tired and it was easy to just say I didn’t want anyone over. Now that time has passed and I miss it.
  • I wish I’d been more present at games, competitions, cheerleading events instead of off in my own world wondering when the day would end.
  • I wish we’d read more good books together and discussed them more.
  • I wish when they were little and had a million questions that I’d answered more of them and encouraged them to be as inquisitive as they wanted instead of changing the subject.
  • I wish I could take away every hurt anyone ever caused them. That I could have seen what would happen and just avoided those people ever entering their lives.
  • I wish I would have visited family members who are gone more often. My girls needed to know these wonderful people better and now they won’t get the chance.
  • I wish I’d spent less time worrying what other people thought of me as a mother because of my childrens’ actions or attitudes. No one else matters as much as my family. No one else’s opinion but theirs and God’s matters a bit.

I love my children. I did the best I knew. I’m not a bad mom. However, looking back on it, I realize how very precious those years were and how fast they passed. I hope that this list touches the heart of a mom just starting the journey and reminds her to take the time for the little things. Children are only children for a heartbeat, and then they are grown.

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You Can Help Your Kids with Homework and Teach Them at the Same Time

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You Can Help Your Kids with Homework and Teach Them at the Same Time

Recently, my youngest daughter came to me upset because she wasn’t doing well in one of her first college courses as a freshman. She misunderstood what the professor wanted and she had one of “those” professors who are very specific in what they want and how they want it. She’d messed up.

She was stressed and in tears. It reminded me of a few times throughout my girls’ school careers when they’ve felt completely overwhelmed because they were struggling with this or that topic. While both of my daughters are smart, everyone struggles from time to time and feels like this.

Whether your child just started kindergarten or is in college like my girls, you will likely be faced with this situation at some point. It’s tough. Sometimes your child is completely overwhelmed and in tears or panic mode. She probably wants you to step in and rescue her, but what does she really learn if you do the work for her? Nothing, that is what she learns. She learns that she doesn’t have to learn because you’ll do the work for her.

Become a Team

Think about the times in your life when you’ve learned the most. It is likely when you’ve worked alongside a kind mentor. Perhaps your grandmother let you help her cook and now you’re a brilliant baker. Helping kids through rough patches at school is exactly like that. If you’ve gone through something similar successfully, then you know the tools needed to do the task. Come alongside your child as a teammate and help her.

Read Over the Requirements

The first thing I knew that my daughter needed to do was to read very carefully over the requirements. However, she was pretty hysterical when I suggested it and kept insisting she’d read the syllabus. For a younger child, this might simply be the directions at the top of a worksheet.

So, I asked her to bring them to me and I sat with her and began reading them. As I read, I pointed out different specifics offered right there in print. She realized she’d missed a few things. My daughter has always been a kinetic learner, so I encouraged her to underline the specific requirements. This made it a hands-on method for her.

Since she is older, I also told her she needs to do this for all her courses.

Encourage Fixes

Once your child understands the assignments, encourage her to fix issues. Even if you aren’t turning the assignment back in, fix it together so she’ll know for the big test or the future. This part of the process requires a lot of praise. Your child is already feeling vulnerable. My daughter came right out and said she must be stupid or having a learning disability. I don’t believe she has a disability. She is definitely not stupid, but is very bright.

So, during the time she pulled up her papers and prepared to submit them the correct way, I told her things like:

  • See? This is easy. You’ve got this.
  • Now that you fixed this, you shouldn’t have any more trouble.
  • You’re smart. You’ll figure this out. The first semester of college is always difficult. It will get easier.
  • Some professors are pickier about how things are handed in than others. The key is to figure out what each professor wants and do it that way for that class. Most will tell you right in the syllabus.
  • I’m right here and I’ll sit with you as you make sure each assignment is right and help you understand anything you need.
  • You’re lucky. This is a topic I’m great in (or your grandpa is great in, etc.). I can help!

Keep Helping

My daughter expressed concern about how turning in her papers the incorrect way was going to impact her grade and if she was on the right track with her paper. I offered to come alongside her and help. While I will not do the work for her (that would not only be cheating, but she wouldn’t learn anything), I did offer her some constructive feedback. For example, I explained how she was making her topic too broad and gave her an example of a different topic and how I’d narrow that. This allows her to see how you narrow a topic without me actually narrowing that topic for her. She still has to do the work, but hopefully understands it better.

So, if you are helping your child with math, explain the overall concept with the problem she is working on and then use different examples to show her how they are worked. Finally, ask her to try to rework that problem and see if she gets the concept. It is far more important that she understands how to add a positive and negative number than that she only knows how to work a problem like 3 + -10.

I assured my daughter that I would take the time to look over her work and offer her suggestions. That she should also listen to her peers as this professor has time built in for peer feedback. If she does these things and fixes any issues she finds, she should get pretty decent grades in this 100 level course.

Share the Big Picture

My daughter wanted a 4.0 her first semester. I thought this might be a little unrealistic when she told me, but I don’t want to discourage her either. It is just tough your first semester sometimes. It’s a big adjustment. One thing she kept saying when she was crying her heart out was that her 4.0 was messed up.

I told her that it was fine. She could still get a good grade and she could always retake the class if she wanted to (over the summer or even next semester) and improve her grade. I also told her that in life she is going to face difficult situations and that the key is to figure out how to make the best you can out of them. However, there is usually an out. For example, drop the class and retake it later, or take it again to replace the grade.

I don’t always handle every situation perfectly. However, I do think I handled this minor bump pretty well today. My daughter feels confident she can turn things around now and she’s learned a valuable lesson about carefully reading instructions and that college professors aren’t going to walk you through every step of the process. I suspect she won’t run into this issue again.

I hope that these tips help you the next time there is a homework meltdown in your home. Do you have any other tips for helping your child in these situations?

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