Cucumber Conundrum

We are on Day 2 with 363 days left in my experiment. I have been running all day and haven’t had a chance to do any housework. I am truly heartbroken over this (not) and thought I’d use this opportunity to talk to you about my gardening skills.

I’ve seen cooks and home makers on television snip these lovely herbs and vegetables right from their own gardens. It only makes sense that I’d want a garden too.

Anyone who knows me probably knows about my vegetable garden disaster last year. Even if you don’t know me, you may have discussed Lori’s lack of gardening skills last year over the water cooler and laughed about it with your friends. Yep, that’s me. The woman who sucks at gardening.

The thing is that I really want to garden. I want to grow beautiful vegetables for my family and to share with my friends. I have good intentions. Last year, my husband insisted on tilling up ground, even though I wanted a raised bed garden near the house. After tilling, adding some nutrients to the soil, digging, planting and watering, I thought I was going to have a pretty decent garden. I had planted zucchini and squash, which no one in my family likes but me, corn, pumpkins, watermelons, tomatoes, cucumbers, turnips and even green beans.

However, I tend to hate being outside when it gets really hot and about early July decided that my garden, which was all the way at the back of our two acres, really didn’t need weeded or tended to. I mean, I had given those plants a good, healthy start in life. Surely they would be fine and just produce vegetables for me.

About mid-July, I realized I was growing corn, green beans and all the vegetables along with a very nicely developed and robust weed garden. I spent a full day trying to weed and tend to my garden, but it truly was a lost cause. It was to the point where I was scared to walk past the outskirts for fear a copperhead might bite me. Who knew what was on the floor of that tangled mess of greenery?

This is how my garden was supposed to look:

How I pictured the garden in my mind

How I pictured the garden in my mind

And this is what my garden looked like in reality:

The results of my not-so-green thumb

The results of my not-so-green thumb

The good news is that I had more zucchinis and squash than I could give away. The two vegetables my family doesn’t like. The even better news is that a week later a big swarm of June bugs swept through and ate everything in site. I could now blame my disaster on the bugs. If it wasn’t for them, my garden would have been fine. Right?

This year, my husband installed a small raised bed garden behind our garage. I think maybe he learned as much as I did last year with the other garden, the main thing being that he can’t trust me with a large area of dirt. After some thought, I decided to plant tomatoes and cucumbers this year. Those are our two favorite veggies. I may expand my garden next year.

This garden is better. Very little weeding and it is close to the house. It is also much smaller. Best of all, no zucchini or squash! However, no one told me that cucumbers can triple in size overnight. When I checked my cucumbers on Monday, they were tiny. I left them until Wednesday and checked again and they were huge. So, not sure what to do with a dozen ripe and huge cucumbers, I decided to experiment with a pickled cucumber recipe. Only, I couldn’t find a recipe I liked, so I just sliced them up, threw in a bunch of ingredients and bathed them in vinegar. Then, I set them in the fridge. No one is eating them. I can’t figure out why.

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Crabby Housewife

Crabby Housewife

Lori is a full-time housewife and writer, living in the Midwest with her husband of 27 years – they have two daughters. They have a house full of pets and her house is never quite perfect.